Sometimes I touch myself. …

A few months ago, while doing my routine breast exam, I felt a pain.  I didn’t feel any type of lump, but just a nagging soreness.  It wasn’t near my bra line, and I hadn’t done any rigorous exercise that would warrant any type of muscle injury.  So what did I do? I ignored it, and figured it would go away on its own.  I complained a bit to my mom and close friends, but that was about it.
About two weeks ago, I had a doctors appointment and explained to her that I wasn’t having any pain.  She did a breast exam on me and didn’t feel any lumps, BUT told me she had an early birthday present for me….an order to go get a mammogram!!

[insert tire screech, random baby cry, and horror movie scream here]  <— Yea, my doc got ALL that from me!  (sorry to the other patients in the office)  After my initial shock, I tried to convince my doctor that there was really no need for all that.  I'm a Spring chicken (in my mind).  I'm only 31!! She informed me that she usually has her patients get their first one around 35, and I was just a few years early! [insert sarcastic "yay me"].

So she gave me my orders, we finished talking about Jay Z & Beyonce’s new baby, and then I went on my way.  My first move, call my mommy!  But I forgot that my mom has lost about 6-7 close friends to breast cancer, so if I was looking for any type of sympathy or hesitance about me getting the exam, I was barking up the WRONG tree.  She basically said she would stalk me until I made the appointment.
Soooo, since the image of my mom’s face popping up in the most inopportune times (during cuddling time w/ hubby, taking a nice hot shower, or driving down the highway) scared the bajeezies outta me, I just manned up and made the appointment.
mammogram.gif (26517 bytes)

So, yesterday was my appointment.  I was told that the radiologists on site could read my films that day, and that if they didn’t see anything I wouldn’t need to get the breast sonogram that the doctor recommended as well.  When I walked into the room with the big machine, I know the tech thought I was crazy.  I kind of just stood there, and stared at the machine.  WTH is that thing!?!  She had me in all types of awkward positions and put all types of stickers on my breasts (no not the kind from Frederick’s of Hollywood).  I was then man handled by this machine and it was NOT that bad.  I really thought that I would be screaming for sweet baby Jesus in the manger from the pain.  Was it uncomfortable…Yep! But I didn’t die.

After that machine, I was walked to a waiting room.  It was so cute too, nicely decorated, and the TV was turned on to some soap opera. LOL. The tech told me that they were going to do the sonogram.

[insert tire screech, random baby cry, and horror movie scream here] <— This time in my head.

Did they see something?  Was this for safe measure? Did they forget they were only going to do the sono if they saw something?  From the outside looking in, I looked just as calm and peaceful.  I smiled to the tech and said Ok!.  From the inside I was screaming OH GAWD!!!  with a side of Will Someone Turn This FRIGGIN TV OFF!?!?

Anywho, I went off to get the sono and that is intense because I had to face the wall so she could get a good angle.  Then she would stop on an area, and then type something.  My mind began to race: Was she measuring a mass?  What did she see? Damn this music is soothing…”Sussudiooooo” I love me some Phil Colins….oh yea, what’s taking so long!

After jamming to my favorite tunes from the 80s and hearing her type and the machine beep. We were done.  She went to get the radiologist to explain the results.   After he handed me this, all I heard was whomp whomp whomp:

And this time I was screaming “GOD IS GOOD”.  And I knew He was the whole time, because what I neglected to tell you earlier in the story was that God was holding my hand the whole time telling me it would all be OK.  He even rolled his eyes at me when I screamed in my head.  LOL!

But I know I am not the only person who has gone through this and won’t be the only one going forward.  Ladies, check your boobies please!! Get your “age appropriate screening”.  I was blessed in not having any abnormal findings, but there are others that have those other boxes on that form charged.


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