It’s been weeks, scratch that, months since I blogged about anything. My intent was to blog about the rest of my pregnancy, but then life happened and that fell by the waist side. The remainder of my pregnancy was up and down.
My Highest Low
I planned this pregnancy with my husband. My dream was to do what I haven’t done with the other three kids. Plan a pregnancy and do all that I couldn’t do with the others. With the other three, I wasn’t financially ready, emotionally ready, or even mature enough…or so I thought. But I loved my babies and wouldn’t change the circumstances in which I had them at all. But I figured, this go round, I was a bit more established career wise, relationship wise and sanity wise, that I’d make the leap. I knew time wasn’t on my side anymore, and I needed to make a decision to have another baby rather quickly.
Towards the end of my second trimester, my husband and I went through some major issues. It took a huge toll on me and set the tone for the rest of my pregnancy. I didn’t talk to anyone about the issues we were having for a while, and I realized it was manifesting itself in other ways. So when it finally all came to a head, my emotions were permanently in a funk. Because of the downward spiral I felt my life was going with my husband, I didn’t enjoy the rest of pregnancy. I was mean and I resentful. I didn’t get to take my pregnancy pictures because I was upset. I didn’t do any of the things I planned to do and that I saw other people doing because I was depressed. I began to fear that my emotions would transfer to the unborn baby, so I did what I could to be happy. I began to pray more and read the bible more. It helped, but I was still sad. I had a great baby shower and my friends were so supportive, as I shared with them what was going on. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without my friends.
I was working full time, going to school for my 2nd bachelors full time, and making sure my family was taken care of. My mom was going through her own medical issues and that took an even bigger chunk out of me. I was stressed. Beyond stressed, which led to me feeling depressed and alone. I wasn’t in a place where I wanted to hear people complaining about frivolous things. That shit is draining.
I went into labor at the beginning of March. After several stints with false labor, I finally was having this baby. I wasn’t sleeping at all during the last month of pregnancy, so we scheduled an induction at 39 weeks. My other 3 deliveries were relatively smooth, so I decided my two oldest kids could witness me deliver their baby sister. My mother and husband were there as well. Once I had my epidural all was well. When it was time to push the baby out, it was a trauma that I have never experienced. I felt EVERYTHING with the epidural, while I pushed. I have never been in so much pain. I screamed. I cursed. I shouted “GET HER OUT!” at the top of my lungs. I really think all of the shyt I was going thru during the end of my pregnancy manifested itself into this pain during delivery. I pray that I didn’t scar the kids, although maybe this will dramatically decrease their chances of being a teen mom. LOL!
Spring Break!?!? OMG, I completely didn’t factor in Spring Break and a new baby. My 6 year old had come down with what ever her sisters had late last week. And it finally infiltrated my immune system during this week. I felt miserable. But I had to still get it together. I was learning the baby’s habits, and that helped with planning trips out the house. She doesn’t particularly like the car, except when it’s moving. And it has to be going at least 40 for her to be satisfied. So I am thinking this one may have a lead foot like her mama. My emotions have definitely settled by this week. I gave the kids the clear to interact more with the baby. I finally started giving the baby 1 bottle a day so that my husband could feed her the breast milk I pumped. My in laws helped a lot with the other kids. They let them spend a few nights/days at their house so I wouldn’t have to worry about them. It helped not having to worry about feeding people.